Here it is. The long awaited bashing of women. I am kidding, but I do want to complete this thing on relationships. I hit on the problem with guys and there lack of respecting women with a completely selfish view that does not look at them as a separate entity, but as an extension of themselves that is used to please themselves, which is not love, but lust. But the girls, from this guys perspective, need to get a crash course into a guys mind.
Guys minds are usually quite simple, with exceptions here and there. We are one track minds. When we watch TV, or eat dinner, or even drive, careful how much attention you demand from us. Some guys can manage this with extreme concetration, and others, like me, need their minds on that one thing in order to do it well (my driving record all the way up to my freshmen year in college proves this). When it comes to attention to you, it’s best to make the setting as simple as possible.
We have a hard time thinking outside of the box sometimes, unless we are thoughtful about thinking outside the box. So it’s no small wonder that we might look at the TV and say, “Dang, that girl is hot” over and over again. Not that it is right, it is in fact wrong in that it is detrimental to the woman, but it does put us in perspective. We have triggered attractions that just draw us to appreciate, or drool, over pretty women. But instead of building a wall between you two, why not try challenging us. That just shows that you want us to love you, which definitely shows a large amount of respect.
In some ways this is a little more complicated. He is very demanding of respect. Now, it may be that respect is the lusted after object does not resist him, or it may be that the other individual makes him feel loved and respects him with words of encouragement and affirmation. You could kind of look at it this way, men in the end not only want respect, but freedom from fear, just like you, but it is somewhat different. They want to be accepted by their lovers, and that is what respect is for us. I know we should be moving away from this fear, but it is there. We want the woman that we desire to desire us. And if that doesn’t happen, or if the man isn’t taught the right way to express that desire, he turns to plan B, which is to quit chasing someone who is an individual in proper, good, tough, and Godly relationship and to start chasing the TV and porn models who do not say no, which really is chasing the self and its desires and saying that you don’t care about the community of romance that God desires for us.
Now I hit on something here that the ladies should be noticing. They want that respect, or better yet, that affirmation. Maybe the guy you are with has not been hearing you affirm your attraction or respect to him. If you are and he is still acting the part of the jerk, then it is time to reevaluate that relationship and consider breaking his heart for his own good. But if he is a good man, then affirm him. Make sure you do your part. Like I implied to the guys, the failures of the men do not justify your wrong doings.
I do not have a great verse for the women. The books of the Bible are not from a time of gender equality, although it moves that way, and there are some surprising examples of women in leadership, so I’ll just say what I think happened in the event of Adam and Eve relating to each other. I think that they were focused on each other. Eve must have accepted the invitation to be one with Adam after he tried to declare her as a very intimate part of him, yet something different. I imagine she might have affirmed him with a resounding, “oh yeah, baby.”
Being a guy, I love it when I am called hot, and I love it when I am listened to. I love talking about what she needs or wants to do. And when I here the no to anything I say, when I find myself in disagreement, I find that in retrospect those times where just as beautiful as the times when we were on the same page and saying yes to each other. If you find a good man, he’ll feel similar things, if not the same things.
Here are some pointers. We actually get discouraged just like you when we hear about how hot some guys is. I understand it is different for women than men, but like I said, we are not thinking outside the box. We hear that and we think that in order for us to be desired, we must get the squared shoulders and the six-pack and be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. So if we are going to help each other, we need to look at each others needs instead of our wants or unthoughtful comments.
Realize that guys have tall yet fragile egos. I’m not talking about prideful egos that think they are God’s gift to the earth. I am talking about us being on a high rope. And we are easily knocked down.
So let’s work together. Don’t be like a certain women who will look at guys and when they are scolded, say that they are free and they have every right. That is not Godly freedom. If you are playing the feminist card and saying that you have every right to talk about men as chauvanists, just remember that feminism was about erasing chauvanism, not about the women becoming chauvanist too. You have responsibility to guys just like the guys have responsibility to you. So try to see this as romantic community, between two people who love each other and struggle together. Whether you call it affirmation, respect, or even submission, lift up your husband, fiances, or boyfriends. You might have to forego some fun comments, but trust me, it is worth it, and you’ll see the men begin to be able to see you for the individual you are.
Love is not a feeling.
Read 1 Corinthians 13, the passage describing love. Notice what love is. It’s not a feeling, but action, and sacrificial action at that. And love will continue when Christ returns. All the things like prophesy, speaking in tongues, feeling sexy, lusting, and what have you will end.
BUT LOVE WILL REMAIN.
Just like the guys should sacrifice blessing themselves here and there, so should you.
So give and accept love.